40+ Hilarious Tweets From Husbands Who Love Complaining Online
Relationships between husbands and wives are unique and full of subtlety and beauty. Because of how quickly we can access Twitter’s content, we can witness these historic occurrences as they unfold. We have received some of the most hilarious tweets ever from some of our husbands.
The True Meaning
Marriage might mean different things to different people. Some people define success as the act of identifying the one person with whom they have an unbreakable bond and committing to that person for the rest of their lives.
The True Meaning
That’s hardly the only possible interpretation, though. This husband is typical of the group that takes a far more rational approach to marriage. Who are you most likely to have fun hanging out with? Who can you despise along with you as you fulfill your joint financial responsibilities?
Everyone Has Preferences
When most individuals are getting ready to get married, they tend to concentrate on the romantic aspects of the occasion and gloss over the practical aspects. This is especially the case if they have not previously shared living quarters.
Everyone Has Preferences
Sharing a living space with another person is a terrific way to learn about the big and little ways in which you both impact one another’s lives. It seems like there wouldn’t be much room for interpretation when it comes to stocking the fridge with milk. I can see why this would come as a shock to you.
Found Them
Having a partner in your daily life means having two individuals to share the responsibility of keeping track of your household. In most cases, one partner is more skilled in this area than the other. That’s certainly the case with this husband.
Found Them
In fact, they’ve streamlined their communications to the point where he rarely needs to elaborate on the nature of his inquiries. His wife, seemingly able to read his thoughts, is prepared to respond.
The Long Con
Sometimes, you just have to have a little bit of style in your delivery to get your point across. Indeed, this is something that numerous husbands have tweeted about their spouses.
The Long Con
This person believes his or her wife was trying to convey a message to them regarding the laundry. Giving someone a few mismatched socks from the laundry would be an unusual gift at the very least. The Christmas present exchange would be quite dismal if this happened.
A Clever Trick
Spouses should be familiar with one another. This means that partners are usually comfortable asking for support from one another when necessary. The husband revealed that his clever spouse devised a method to collect chips without getting out of their seats.
A Clever Trick
They started by sending a message to their husband’s phone, setting off an alarm in another room. He had already gotten up and was on his way to the snack aisle when he entered.
An Honest Mistake
Husbands are only human, and they do make mistakes from time to time. On the other hand, it may be necessary to put in a little extra effort into routine activities, such as snack selection, to ensure that everything remains in order. This husband admitted that he ate all the chips at home.
An Honest Mistake
His wife had apparently planned for them to be included as lunchtime treats. It could have been a minor error even if he hadn’t eaten the extra snacks that were available as a backup.
Healthy Boundaries
One of the phrases that have become a cliche by now is that there is no “I” in the team. However, husbands like this one can rewrite the phrase as needed. The moral of the original saying is that you shouldn’t put yourself above the team.
Healthy Boundaries
Still, who can truly blame husbands for not wanting to act quite as selflessly when there’s pizza involved? Not to mention, it’s healthy to have boundaries when it comes to things you love, especially pizza.
Breakfast of Champions
You can’t always blame husbands when it comes to young children. Like this sad tale, it might be a case of the underdog winning the battle over breakfast. That is you couldn’t blame them if this husband’s story was exactly what happened.
Breakfast Of Champions
According to him, he was casually enjoying chips for breakfast when he was robbed of them by his own toddler. Although, we’re not sure his wife bought the story and let him off the hook for their daughter’s unhealthy breakfast.
Kids Can Be Mean
When it comes to husbands’ woes, it isn’t always a product of being a husband. Sometimes, even the kids that they parent can get a little harsh when it comes down to it.
Kids Can Be Mean
All this person wants to do is make sure his kids have a healthy dinner. Unfortunately, young children tend to be the harshest food critics the world has to offer. We can’t blame this dad and husband for wanting a bit of a break from the criticism.
Defining a Difference
There is often a distinct difference between how someone interacts with their more casual relationships versus after they marry their partner. These tweets from husbands highlight some of these differences.
Defining A Difference
While there are quite a few things that mark the differences, this is a fairly all-encompassing one. He highlights that when you first start dating someone, you probably want to spend all your time with them. That differs from proudly defending your side of the bed in marriage.
Credit Where It’s Due
When it comes to a healthy marriage, it’s often fitting to split responsibilities around the house. Just because you’re expected to do something doesn’t mean you don’t want recognition, though. Husbands like this one want to make sure their spouses know that they help out.
Credit Where It’s Due
He even has a tried-and-true tactic employed to help him out. If you make a bit more noise than necessary so that everyone nearby knows exactly what you’re doing and how helpful you’re being.
Spilling Secrets to Mom
Having kids comes with plenty of new things that you have to be aware of. One that many husbands might forget about until it’s too late is that children won’t keep your secrets!
Spilling Secrets To Mom
This means that if you’re sneaking a snack behind your spouse’s back, it’s probably best to make sure your kids aren’t around either. Otherwise, like this husband, they might just tell their other parent that you were eating pie directly from the tin. Although, obviously it was still happening when this wife walked in.
Belonging to Whom?
Once people get married, there are certain concepts that they share. For example, if one person owned a pet before, that pet stays in both people’s lives. You might even adopt a pet together!
Belonging To Whom?
On the other hand, there are times that shared ownership has its downsides. For instance, it makes it easy for this husband to choose when he describes the cat as his or his spouse’s. The rule is simple: if the cat is behaving and being cute, it’s his.
Excited for the Little Things
The great thing about being married is that you get to share life’s special moments with someone close to you. This is true even as what’s considered a “special moment” changes over time.
Excited For The Little Things
When you’re younger, you might not think much of buying a new area rug. However, as you get older and try to make sure your home is exactly the way you want, finding the perfect area rug is a big deal. We’re glad that these two are so excited!
A Little Lost
After you meet someone for the first time or when you first start dating, your texts can vary wildly. You might even learn a lot about each other in the process!
A Little Lost
Once you get married, though, you probably aren’t getting to know each other every day through text. On the contrary, you might end up sending the same messages more than you’d expect. Just asking and answering where everyone is in a store will take up a good bit of your conversation.
Coming to an Agreement
Marriage is all about compromise. Husbands and wives all around the world are frequently discussing what they want as a unit. After all, you’re not likely to agree all the time.
Coming To An Agreement
You might even find yourself trying some movie tactics out to ensure that you come to a fair compromise. Sliding mysterious notes back and forth to each other can highlight the gravity of the situation as well. After all, thermostat negotiations aren’t taken lightly!
Voice of Disapproval
Spouses are together a lot. Because of this, it makes sense that they’re able to communicate without even necessarily directly saying what they mean every time. This husband provided a great example of this in his tweet.
Voice Of Disapproval
While his wife didn’t directly say that he should change, he knew exactly what this question meant. She wasn’t happy with his choice of clothing and he was ready to take the cue and change. At least she saved him from a potential fashion disaster.
Have Some Cake
The great thing about being an adult is that you get to make your own decisions. That’s something that many husbands and wives share together in the execution of these ideas.
Have Some Cake
When this husband initially came home to cake, he wondered why the cake was called for. It was probably exciting to learn that there wasn’t anything he forgot but that it was all to feed a cake craving that his wife had. We’re glad to hear they both got something out of it!
The Ultimate Crime
We’ve all seen it in the movies or on TV. Fictional wives are wary of their husbands, so they hire private investigators to follow them and learn the scoop. This husband definitely thinks his wife would learn something but not what she expects.
The Ultimate Crime
Instead of learning about a steamy double-life, she’d probably just catch him lying about using coupons that she saved for him. While tame, we’re sure she wouldn’t be happy about that either!
There’s a Catch Here
If you’re married to someone, you’ve probably thought about what it will be like to spend time together in the future. You might even think of your twilight years together. This wife was when she shared her idea of their golden years together.
There’s A Catch Here
Yet, we have to admit, the husband did find a pretty fair point about this retirement fantasy. Why exactly doesn’t he remember any of the stories he’s heard over the years? Was his declining health part of the fantasy?
Seems Suspicious
Even when you’re married, you might have something you don’t run past your spouse right away. Sometimes, this can lead to confused and concerned husbands wondering what would happen next.
Seems Suspicious
The example this husband gave was that while he went about his daily routine, he happened to catch his wife measuring a wall. Knowing that this was something that usually led to renovation, he had a pretty understandable first thought. Whatever was happening, it was likely going to come at a cost.
About That To-Do List…
When spouses break up responsibilities between them, it only works if they both actually get those things done. Otherwise, there’s just more work for the other person. Still, everyone has a day when they don’t quite get everything done.
About That To Do List…
When someone else is relying on you to finish your tasks, you might need to provide an explanation. At the very least, an excuse is in order. This husband probably has this impressive and tragic story practiced to perfection!
The Classic Line
As we said, the way you communicate changes as a relationship progresses and you become closer. However, it’s not necessarily just deep secrets amongst husbands and wives. Sometimes, the messages they exchange aren’t heartfelt exchanges of love or confessions of deep secrets.
The Classic Line
There are times you just need to know whether to pick something up at the grocery store. In fact, according to this husband, that’s most of the conversations you’ll have with your spouse. It’s a cycle that repeats to the end of time!
What Do You Want?
There’s something to be said for listening to the advice of people who have long, successful marriages. They’ve proven that they managed to make their own relationship work for quite a while, at least!
What Do You Want?
Luckily, husbands take to Twitter with some useful advice. As an example, this husband had some advice for a spouse telling you to do whatever you want. He wants to make sure that everyone knows that this permission doesn’t mean what you think it means.
Sharing Secrets
Winding down at the end of the day together can include a lot of things. You and your spouse might talk about your day, have a deeper conversation, or even just share a joke.
Sharing Secrets
Other times, you might want to tell your spouse a secret or confess something. This husband had the most innocent confession to tell his wife at the end of the day. On the other hand, maybe she’s supposed to be just as impressed as we are.
It’s All Coming Together
Keeping a budget is a great step in helping to maximize how much money you save on a regular basis. That doesn’t mean that it’s an easy step, though, and it’s tempting to get off track.
It’s All Coming Together
On that note, it can also be tempting to never start saving money but cut back on spending at all. Still, keeping an eye on things can’t hurt. Plus, you have to look on the bright side of things. So, why not pay attention to how great you are at spending?
Unfortunate Timing
When you spend a lot of time around one person, you’re bound to make a mistake eventually. Since that person is around so much, they’re likely to remind you from time to time.
Unfortunate Timing
If it’s a big mistake, they may not give you must a chance to forget it at all. This husband’s fatal error was screaming in pain from a paper cut which wouldn’t have been so bad had his wife not been in labor. She probably won’t let him forget anytime soon either.
Stopping a Fashion Disaster
Generally speaking, you should always work through your problems with meaningful conversation. This husband offered a pretty funny alternative in his tweet. At first glance, it seems like this wife was being helpful.
Stopping A Fashion Disaster
As a matter of fact, she might be helping by stopping her husband’s fashion crimes in their tracks. Either way, she got her point across that he probably shouldn’t wear sandals to an event that calls for a tie. She surely made her point, if nothing else.
Dividing Fries
It’s not uncommon for couples to share things with one another. However, that doesn’t mean that everything is meant for sharing between them all the time. To keep the peace, there are some lines in the sand you have to draw.
Dividing Fries
For instance, it’s a nice gesture to let your wife have a few of your fries. On the opposing side, stealing a few of her fries without explicit permission might not have the same positive effect. It’s best to ask before stealing fries in general!
Results of Teamwork
In many people’s lives, their spouse is also the other parent of their child. In these cases, there’s a special relationship that comes from raising a child together. One aspect of this is trying hard to make sure that your child is well-behaved, particularly in public.
Results Of Teamwork
We can’t blame parents like these who are just excited when they hear crying that isn’t coming from their child. In other words, at that time, it isn’t their responsibility for the disruption.
A Grave Mistake
While a long, lasting marriage is what most couples hope for, there’s always a chance of divorce. It’s interesting to consider what could be the final straw for a specific couple. This husband took to Twitter with a warning.
A Grave Mistake
While he could work through just about anything with his wife, there was no going back when it came to toys in cereal boxes. Without them, he would have no choice but to pack up. At least he’s open about it.
Not the Best Way to Relax
As you get older, you tend to value the weekends more. After all, that’s when most people get the chance to spend time away from their job and relax. So, you want to make sure that you use those weekends doing what you want to do.
Not The Best Way To Relax
This can mean making your stance known on potential plans from time to time. This husband could have prefaced his sentiment a little better but at least he was clearly communicating what he thought of the plans.
Knowing the Lore
Many people have common interests with their spouses. On the other hand, it’s interesting to see where husbands’ opinions differ from their spouses’. Where exactly does one draw the line? This husband had a fairly pop culture answer to this question.
Knowing The Lore
While not everyone is familiar with Star Wars, it has become a cultural phenomenon that many people adore. So, it might throw you off guard to hear someone ask who Yoda was or fail to differentiate him from the popular character from The Mandalorian.
Keeping the Spark Alive
You have to keep the spark alive in your marriage somehow. Some spouses even depend on the texts they send to keep each other happy and keep the romance in their relationship going.
Keeping The Spark Alive
As life goes on, you might change up what messages do for you and your spouse. For instance, what about sending each other pictures of the toilet seat so you can find a suitable replacement? We suppose there is something exciting about updating any feature in your home.
I Can’t Do It
Part of being married is that you don’t want any harm to come to your spouse. To be fair, there are plenty of ways that husbands can showcase this feeling. One of the biggest tests, as this husband points out, is when a bee lands on your spouse’s arm.
I Can’t Do It
Once you roll up the newspaper in your hands, you have a choice. Will you shoo the bee away from your spouse or will you just take this as a chance to yell a warning?
Considering Her Advice
When someone spends as much time with you as your spouse, they’re bound to get to know you well. They might even have the chance to warn you against your own bad habits.
Considering Her Advice
Of course, that advice only helps if you listen to it. This husband shares the tale of a situation that was just too tempting to stop and listen to his wife first. After all, who can avoid the lure of a ball pit, even when your keys are at risk?
Don’t Fall for That
There are plenty of tales of spouses who promise not to get anything for each other for big holidays and celebrations. Yet, there’s always a chance that you should probably get a gift anyways.
Don’t Fall For That
That’s exactly what this husband took to Twitter to warn everyone about or, at the bare minimum, think of those that made the wrong move. If they misunderstood the conversation or the communication between them and their spouse wasn’t clear, it could lead to a pretty tense Christmas.
Better to Be Prepared
The last thing husbands want to do is forget their anniversaries with their spouses. Everyone has their own way to remember too from committing it to memory to set a calendar alarm.
Better To Be Prepared
This husband might not have chosen the right method but it would definitely work! Wishing your wife a happy anniversary every morning would flawlessly ensure that you didn’t miss the anniversary. The wife does have a point that it takes the romance out of the situation.
Let Him Be Pretty
Many married couples still have different hygiene products. This is because they might have different needs and even preferences like the scents used in your products. It’s tempting to steal a bit of your spouse’s nice products every now and then.
Let Him Be Pretty
This husband just couldn’t resist trying out the fancy shampoo his wife had. Unfortunately, the results were so good, that there was no way he could keep his new routine a secret.
Practicing Those Puns
We’ve all heard of dad jokes before. From another point of view, it seems like husbands are pretty good at inserting the pun or literal joke here and there. This is a pretty good example from one husband.
Practicing Those Puns
All his wife wanted was some milk from the store but it opened the door for a comedy hour at the same time. We hope that he didn’t crack this joke and then forget to grab the milk altogether, that probably wouldn’t go over well.
Someone to Ask the Real Questions
Having a spouse can offer you a chance to turn to someone you love when you’re feeling down. You can ask them for advice or just vent. When this person was feeling down one night, their wife was there to help them out.
Someone To Ask The Real Questions
We’re glad too because it seems like he was thinking about something that raises a good question. What connotation would Monday have to a cat? Can his wife explain what Garfield was so upset about if Monday was another day off for him?
Petty Revenge
It’s the ideal course of action to talk through any problems you have with your spouse. Still, a little petty revenge can be pretty tempting from time to time. This husband figured out exactly what would serve as the perfect revenge.
Petty Revenge
There’s nothing his wife would hate more than a corrupted Pinterest board. What will she do with all of those recommendations of horrifically average cupcakes? Maybe a few mediocre pins aren’t the worst thing that could happen, even if it is a little immature.
Almost Had It
Buying groceries is something that everyone does slightly differently. If you don’t do much of the grocery shopping, you might wonder how your spouse spends so much. This means that when you do the grocery shopping, that’s your chance to prove that your way works better.
Almost Had It
This husband thought he nailed it when he managed to spend much less money. A few hours later, he learned exactly why his wife invested so much into their weekly grocery bill.
Morning Routines
Everyone has a morning routine. Maybe you grab a coffee every day or make sure to give yourself a few minutes to sit and relax before heading out the door to face the day. This husband detailed a pretty understandable part of his daily routine.
Morning Routines
After all, he sees his wife every day and there’s no need for a tearful farewell every morning. Conversely, it’s much harder to just give a sweet puppy a simple and short goodbye when you have to go.
Be Honest
Your wedding day is a big day in your life. It’s one of those days that most people answer as the best day of their life alongside events like their children being born.
Be Honest
This person had something else on their mind when they were asked. We can’t blame them too much – getting more bang for your buck can be a pretty great feeling. We do think that he made the right choice not to share this feeling with the group!